It shouldn’t be hard for the network that brought you “Murder, She Wrote” to figure out the reasons behind “Big Brother’s” failure. The cast is dull, the concept is lame and the house that Ikea built is cheap and creepy. The amazing thing is that a show so obviously flawed could have been the source of so much hype. Here’s what CBS didn’t understand when it developed “Big Brother,” a voyeur’s guide to the lives of the uninspiring.
Misconception #1: Reality is in. Too much reality in a drama series is a bad thing. “Survivor” and the show that started the whole reality trend, MTV’s venerable “Real World,” are well-watched because they are so unreal. There’s nothing everyday about rat-skewering, back-stabbing island people acting out General Hospital on Gilligan’s Island (“Survivor”). And in real life, hyper-sexed, hyper-sensitive coeds don’t live in an eighteenth-century New Orleans mansion (“The Real World”). “Big Brother” fails because it doesn’t deliver a big enough dose of fantasy. Its cast members, known as “house guests” are as dull as the rest of us; their lives on the show, filled with hour after hour of doing nothing, are even more so. In one episode, house guest Karen exclaims “I didn’t know chickens could lay more than one egg!” Those of us watching we’re not quite as excited. Give us real people, but don’t give us real life.
Misconception #2: Ugly is in. Last we checked, sex still sells on television and it’s hard to find anything sexy in the Big Brother house. Its repulsive off-yellow walls and furniture by Ikea will give pause to anyone who advocates a Swedish-style welfare state. The cast, almost as unattractive as it is uninteresting, offers little visual refuge. Sure, most of the house guests are better looking than us. But they’re not better looking than most people on TV. Cast members on “The Real World” have questionable intellect, values and character, but no one can question their beauty. And a look at any network news show will tell you that on television, it doesn’t matter what you’re saying, it’s how you look when you’re saying it. Big Brother doesn’t look too good.
Misconception #3: Filler is in. Peel back Big Brother’s kitschy cover and what will you find? Nothing. To watch the show is to journey from mindless inanity to mindless inanity, carried in the arms of bleeped out bad words and staged confrontation. In one of the more enlightening exchanges, house guest William explains that “there’s a difference between ‘butt’ and ‘ass’.” The invisible narrator (certainly Big Brother’s most interesting character) gets our hopes up with introductions that make conversations sound interesting. But the “Racial tensions heat up in the kitchen…” segment was little more than an excuse for William to use the “f” word. And “as the house guests discuss female sexuality” was just a chance for the squeamish Jamie, Cassandra and Jordan to talk about breast implants. The Vatican has seen more interesting conversations about female sexuality than the Big Brother house. You can see house guests racking their brains trying to come up with something provocative to say. Keep trying guys.
Misconception # 4: Boring is in. Who let the Gore campaign into the Big Brother editing room? Whoever puts the daily recap together has a knack for picking the least interesting moments of the day. Big Brother is best on its live Web-cast and when TV producers show live shots of the house. A rare funny moment came when host Julie Chen and a live audience secretly spying on the house hear house guest George ask, “Who’s Julie Chen?”
Misconception #5: Disturbing is in. It’s impossible to watch Big Brother and not feel just a little bit dirty. Almost nothing on the show seems natural. Chen, the soulless host (not surprisingly an import from the barely breathing CBS Early Show), is frighteningly inhuman and humorless. “In a moment I’ll be telling the house guests which of them has been nominated to leave the house,” she chirps and follows with a measured smile. She chats away with house guests’ friends and families while the camera shows unknowing cast members frowning away the hours. After a week in the house, just about everyone in the Big Brother is starting to look like a lab-rats pressing their face against the wall. No one wants to watch a guinea pig suffer.
Hopefully, these miscues and others (there are so many more) will prove too numerous for a ratings turnaround, and someone will put Big Brother (and America) out of its misery. Then again, it’s still possible that by sheer overexposure we will get hooked. That is a scary, sobering thought. Sure, everyone deserves their fifteen minutes. But does it have to be so dull?
