And yet, despite all the bad press, social media has been good to—and for—me. I’ve connected and engaged with an endless stream of new and interesting thinkers, writers, artists, and everyday people that have enriched my life, both personally and professionally. I’ve met people that ended up becoming real-life friends and colleagues. I’ve gotten ideas for essays and op-eds from my online conversations. I got my dream job.
So, what makes me so special?
I think I’ve figured out how to hack social media to reap the benefits while (mostly) avoiding the pitfalls. And I’ve done this by realizing first and foremost that social media isn’t the problem; we are, when we’re on social media and choosing to act in a way that amplifies our worst traits.
That’s the key to getting the good out of social media: realizing that whatever else is happening, you still have a choice about how you behave when using it.
It’s only half true that social media’s algorithms are designed to inflame and infuriate us. Yes, tech companies spend billions of dollars and thousands of hours fine-tuning their products to hijack your attention and keep you scrolling, clicking, and buying. Technology ethicist Tristan Harris is absolutely right to worry about the ways these apps appeal to our basest instincts, manipulate our behavior, and affect our mental health.
But the thing about the algorithm is, it’s not really designed to get you angry, anxious, and irritated. It’s just designed to get and keep your attention. Unfortunately for us, anger, anxiety, and irritation are great ways to do that.
And still, we have more control than we give ourselves credit for.
Because social media is a tool, albeit a dangerous one—think chainsaw, not hammer. You can do wonderful and productive things with a chainsaw, but you can also do terrible and destructive things. It’s not really meant to hack your arm off, but it can, and it will if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Engaging online is no different. I call it the boss level of discourse: It’s where your faculties and skills have to be razor sharp, because all the guardrails and safety nets—things like eye contact, visual cues, tone of voice, and the lack of anonymity—are now gone and you have to get by with very little help beyond your wits.
The key to reaching the boss level is remembering that all they want is your attention. How much you give, and what you give it to, is up to you.
It can be difficult, no doubt. But we can learn to use this tool better. The algorithms want our attention, but we can decide what we will give our attention to.
I’ve put a lot of effort into ensuring that I’m the one using social media, and not the other way around. I’ve turned off push notifications and badges, so I only know if I have messages when I choose to open the apps.
I also actively seek out smart, reasonable people to engage with (they exist!), and I insist on engaging respectfully. I refuse to indulge in vitriol or antagonism, regardless of whatever venom might be spit in my direction. I constantly remind myself that there is a human being on the other end of the line, and that they deserve the dignity and compassion that I would appreciate, even when not at my finest moments.
I’ve committed myself to bucking the trend we all talk about and being a better version of myself online than I am in real life. I fail often, but I try my best, and I’ve reaped many benefits as a result.
In many ways, we’re living in a kind of technological adolescence. We’ve suddenly acquired immense power and freedom, and we have a duty to ourselves and each other to use it for our benefit rather than our detriment, to make a concerted effort toward technological maturity.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once wrote, “Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.” I think our scientific power has lapped us, but we can still catch up.
Angel Eduardo is a writer, musician, and visual artist based in New York City. He is the Director of Messaging & Editorial for the Foundation Against Intolerance & Racism (FAIR), a columnist for the Center for Inquiry, and co-host of the FAIR Perspectives podcast. Find him on Twitter and at angeleduardo.com.
The views in this article are the writer’s own.
